Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
