How's work?
Spinning.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
