we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize