Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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