got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
