No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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