i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
