I never want to see another naked old woman again.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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