i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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