you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
