He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
