Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
