I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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