I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
