i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
