As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize