guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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