omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
