He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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