I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
