Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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