I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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