This is not my ceiling
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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