ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
