Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We just shotgunned beers for America
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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