ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
