I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
