you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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