I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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