Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
