she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
