Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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