bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
