I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We need a shit load of segways right now
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
