I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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