If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
FUCK WHALES
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
