but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize