I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
