is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
