I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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