i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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