You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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