: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
