Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
