I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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