i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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