Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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