btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize