ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize