Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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