dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
