He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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