3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Plan B is the new Plan A
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
