You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
