im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
