Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
