i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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