my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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