When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
