I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
