I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
