I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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