TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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