Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
