I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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