I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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