So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
