Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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