I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
