Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
