guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
