turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
