my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
