Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize