i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
