She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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