went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
