somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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