i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
