your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize