im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
