It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
