She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
