Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
