It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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