i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
