This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
