i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
