im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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