her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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