I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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