I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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