...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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