How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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