he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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