I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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