please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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