You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
