I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
