why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize