hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
